Sam is 19 months old. It is hard to believe. He is doing all sorts of new things these days. He is talking a ton, "no way!", "more", "doggy" . . .etc. I feel like this kid is learning new things at such a fast pace. It is fun and exciting. He can also point to all of his facial features, tells us what animals say, and is becoming quite the little athlete. We just adore him. He has had a lot of separation anxiety, but even that has gone down quite a bit and he is returning to his happy, charismatic, and silly Self.
We had a wonderful Easter this weekend. On Saturday the Easter Bunny came and Sam loved collecting the eggs (see pictures below). We've been smothered in candy--which is soooo tough. Sam is not a candy kid. After about 5 jelly beans he was done. Next year our Easter bunny might have to bring some fruit. Ha ha.
Our ward had a party on Saturday and Ryan was in charge. He cooked 20 lbs of hamburger and made sloppy joes. He was also in charge of the Easter program and Easter Egg hunt. It was really fantastic. We were all proud of him. My sister and her family also came and spent part of this weekend with us. Sam loved having his cousins around to play with, and us adults had some fun "adult time" chatting and laughing together. We are so glad they came.
This week (April 21-27) is National Infertility Awareness Week. As someone who affected by infertility, I'd like to spread the word by sharing a little bit about our experiences, both past and current. . . Even before Ryan and I were married, I suspected that we may have trouble getting pregnant. Things on my end were not always regular and I just had a gut feeling. Call it instinct, or the Spirit, or intuitive reasoning, but I knew. So we were married and we didn't bother with birth control. A year and half later, we went to the doctor. She put us on fertility meds and the journey started. When we did not get pregnant, we progressed in the infertility world. That progression is stressful emotionally, physically, and financially.
Fast forward to February 2012. We had just unsuccessfully finished the second cycle of a very expensive fertility treatment. The only options we had left were in-vitro fertilization (IVF) and adoption. I was leaning heavily towards IVF and Ryan wanted to jump into adoption. We took a couple months to stop and consider our options. After about two months, we still did not have an answer. Then, one day I felt such a strong prompting that we were to adopt and that we would be blessed with a baby quickly. Less than five months later our Sam was born. We know that Sam was intended to be in our family. He fits in our family so perfectly and we adore him.
Adoption does not, however, cure infertility. It cures childlessness. I still have those longings to carry a child. We still wish we could be like other couples and have a "night of fun" and get pregnant. There are times we get mad that to have children we must pay thousands of dollars. That is our reality. Now, I'm not writing this to make anyone feel bad for us. My hope is to educate and raise awareness. This is what it is like to experience infertility.
We currently have our adoption paperwork submitted through LDSFS. Which means we could adopt at any time. We have been ready for another baby for months now and would be thrilled. However, recent events have made it probable that LDSFS will be closing down their adoption program in the next year or so. With the average wait time right now at 2 years, we may not be able to adopt a baby before that closure happens. Of course, these kinds of things happen in the adoption world. Programs close, adoption plans fall through, etc. We fully recognize that Sam's adoption was perfect, and that he was meant to be in our family. But, we have been left to wonder what to do next.
We are still hoping that our family and friends will spread the word about our adoption plans. If there is a birth mother out there waiting to find us, we pray she will. We also recently found out that Ryan's new job has infertility health insurance coverage (less than 10% of insurance companies provide this benefit). This is a huge blessing, one that would make IVF treatment affordable. So, this summer we have felt impressed by our Heavenly Father to jump into infertility treatments again (the thought makes my armpits sweat). We will be doing IVF this summer and hope that it will work. Because it is such an emotionally charged process, we will probably not update on if and when things work until we know for sure that we will get and stay pregnant (or that we will not be able to get pregnant).
The fact of the matter is that infertility sucks. We don't know if we'll ever be able to get pregnant. We don't know if we'll be able to adopt again (some people wait years). We do know that we have amazing and supportive family members who love us. We have been blessed by our Heavenly Father in so many ways, and while we feel we have more children waiting to come to our home, we are just grateful today that we have a sweet and funny and adorable little boy. Heavenly Father is in charge. We know that, and we are grateful for His plan. If we got exactly what we wanted, when we wanted, we would not have our Sam, and that would be a tragedy.
If you have someone in your life who is going through this. Give them a hug. Tell them they are not alone and that they are loved. In the meantime, enjoy the huge amount of pictures of our crazy boy.
This boy loves the piano!
Lovely Easter gifts from Sam's B-Ma and B-Nana.
Eating Jello Easter Eggs. :)
Belly Button!
The Easter Bunny came!
Ryan was in charge of our Ward's Easter party and Egg hunt.
This boy loves his daddy.
Family Pictures for Easter.
